


The Rat Tale

by jaydizzel2844



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Redemption, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27881009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaydizzel2844/pseuds/jaydizzel2844
Summary: A time Turner.One turn would take him back an hour, he would only need to turn it twice and he would be able to catch himself before he headed into the cellar and warn him about the trap that waited for him. Warn him not to be disloyal to our master, not even for a second. And then everything would be fine. Lord Voldemort will come, kill James and everything will be over. No not James, Harry. Peter had already gotten James killed. ‘But there's no point dwelling on the past’ Peter reminding himself ‘what is done can't be undone’.Or could it.---What if Peter had survived his magical prosthetic hand trying to kill him for being disloyal, got his hands on a time turner and tried to go back and fix things---this was partially inspired by the marauders cosplay done by akrcos, inspecter lemon, mishkali, emma jupiter and svattii and i recommend checking them out if you like cosplay
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Peter Pettigrew/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

Lord Voldemort was not the kind of man you said no to. If he said jump you said how high and also, please don't kill me. That's not to say he ruled only through fear, he was equal parts charming as he was terrifying and he had a knack for finding out exactly what you wanted, even when you didn't even know you wanted it, and convincing you that he could give it to you. 

Peter would like to believe, and would tell anyone who asked, that it was only out of fear that he betrayed the Potters, that it was out of fear that he even joined the death eaters in the first place. But he knew deep down that wasn't true. Lord Voldemort had simply made him an offer he could have refused, he should have refused, but he didn't refuse. Power, respect and a chance to show all those who looked down on him that he was better than them. To stop playing second fiddle and take center stage. He had spent years drowning in the shadows cast by the three shining bright Suns that were James, Sirius and Remus and as much as he loved them, admired them and looked up to them he couldn't help but resent them. It's not easy being ordinary when all your friends are extraordinary. 

For so long he was so amazingly grateful that James had liked the snide comment he made about Snape’s hair back on the first day of 1st year enough, (that the only way it could’ve gotten that greasy was if he'd washed it with butter), that he had let him tag along with his friends for the next seven years. And that was the truth of it, while James, Sirius and Remus where his best friends; Peter was just someone they let tag along because he didn't get in the way too much, because he laughed at all their jokes, because he backed them up when they were picking on kids they didn't like and because it was easier to let him tag along than to tell him to piss off. In the beginning Peter loved them for it but by the end he couldn't help but hate them for it. 

And Lily, well he hated Lilly for an entirely different reason. 

But there's no point in dwelling on the past, he made his bed all those years ago and now he had to lie in it. And die in it so it would seem. 

An interesting fact about spells that most Wizards don't know is that many of them are species specific. Sure, wingardium leviosa will work on just about anything that can be lifted but spells like the bat bogey hex or the jelly legs jinx will only work on humans. So, if you enchanted a magical prosthetic hand to strangle its owner the second it detects a hint of disloyalty, that spell is going to break if said owner is an Animagus who in a fit of panic turned into a rat mid choking. 

And that's how Peter ended up here, struggling to breathe through his bruised throat in a long-forgotten storage closet in the Malfoy Manor. Wandless, friendless and soon to be probably headless once Voldemort finds him. 

Peter tried to assess his surroundings. The door was magically sealed, the wood of the door had been melted into the doorframe making it un-openable and the tiny hole in the wall that Peter had used was the only way in or out. 

Un-openable, who was he kidding it would take any competent wizard all of five minutes to get the door open and kill him. ‘No. no don't think like that. Keep moving keep surviving like we've always done‘. Peter thought to himself ‘what else is in this room?‘

Peter forced himself to stand up and start searching through the countless boxes packed into the small room. The first few boxes he checked were full of books. Old schoolbooks, herbology books and books on dark magic. There was one box that only had one book in it, but it growled at him when he tried to touch it, so he quickly put the lid back on. 

The next box contained photo albums and portraits. Several long dead Malfoys glared disapprovingly at him as he rooted through the box trying to find something that could help him. 

It was in the eighth box he checked that he finally found something useful.

Magical objects, dark magical objects. All neatly packed and labeled.

Peter quickly began reading the labels, if he just found something powerful enough to get him past the death eaters and the magical barrier keeping him in the manner, he’d be fine. Once he was off the property he could run. Sure, he'd spend the rest of his years in hiding and probably as a rat but that wasn't so bad the first time.

One problem was the contents of the box was useless to his current predicament, a monkey's hand that would follow basic instructions, a bottle that if he pissed in it would cause an enemy of his choosing to piss blood, a horn that would make people burb if they heard it and several others that were far more likely to cause Peter harm than anyone else if he tried to use them. 

What did he expect, no one keeps powerful weapons in a forgotten storage closet.

Peter was giving up hope, trying to decide if it would be better to wait here for death or make one last ditch effort to escape and go out in a blaze of glory, when he noticed one last thing in the box. At the very bottom wedged into the corner was a small unassuming case that he hadn't checked. Peter wasn't sure what he expected to be in the case, perhaps with his luck another piss bottle, but it wasn't this. How could he, they were heavily regulated and guarded by the ministry, people didn't just have them and if they did, they wouldn't be crammed into the bottom of a box of useless magical objects left to gather dust in a long-forgotten storage closet. But here it was. 

A time Turner. 

One turn would take him back an hour, he would only need to turn it twice and he would be able to catch himself before he headed into the cellar and warn him about the trap that waited for him. Warn him not to be disloyal to our master, not even for a second. And then everything would be fine. Lord Voldemort will come, kill James and everything will be over. No not James, Harry. Peter had already gotten James killed. ‘But there's no point dwelling on the past’ Peter reminding himself ‘what is done can't be undone’. 

Or could it. 

Peter had often wondered if he could go back and un-make those mistakes, un-burn those bridges, not let his fear and pain and anger dictate his actions. If he could go back and fix it, would he? 

But wasn't all the pain, suffering and guilt he has felt since that fateful Halloween night his punishment. Didn't he deserve this? What right did he have to go back that far, to change that much, and anyway who knows what kind of effect that dramatic a change would have on the timeline or if it was even possible. 

But maybe this isn't about what Peter deserves or what is possible. Maybe it's about the people he hurt, and the small unexpected chance life has given him to undo it all. To make it right. 

It would be difficult though. The Turner only travels in time not space, even if he went the 17 years between now and his joining Lord Voldemort he would still be stuck in this closet. As a rat he could get out of this room but without a wand he would have no hope of getting out of the Manor. Plus, if he remembered correctly, he would only have 5 hours in the past to get anything done. 

Realization hit him, there was a time in the past when he was in the Malfoy manner, that he knew the exact date of, that was before everything had gotten too bad. Halloween 1981, the day he had given up the Potters location and the day Voldemort had killed them. It would be cutting it pretty close but if he could find his younger self before he betrayed the Potters maybe he could convince him not to. Maybe he could get him to ignore how much he resented James, and Lily, and how much that baby looked so much like them and remember how much he loves them. Loves them more than he fears Lord Voldemort. 

It's risky, and it probably won't work but Peter is running out of time, so he starts doing the math. It takes him a minute and while he works out the problem, he can't help but faintly hear his old arithmancy professor saying, ‘mental math is very important to learn as you won't always have your wand with you, not to mention Calculator spells have a nasty habit of going wrong and turning you into an Abacus’.

There are 144,612 hours between now and midday on Halloween. That was a lot of turns and there's a lot riding on him to get exactly right but for the first time in a long time Peter was in luck. The monkey's hand. 

Peter stood up straight, monkey hand in hand, placed the chain of the time Turner around his neck and wedged the Turner between the two outer monkey fingers with the four finger in position to turn the Hourglass.

“Turn the hourglass 144,612 times.“ Peter ordered the hand. 

The finger began to move, slowly at first but soon picking up speed. Peter lost count of the turns after 50 but hopefully the hand didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos or comments would be appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite being in Hogwarts together from the very beginning and the countless classes they had shared, Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape only began spending any meaningful amount of time together in 6th year. This was due in large part to the fact that Snape was an asshole and a stupid one at that. Anyone with eyes could see that he was in love with, if not a little obsessed with, Lily Evans, and yet, he still called her Mudblood and stuck with his pureblood friends over her. Regardless of the fact that said pureblood friends were kind of dicks to him too at times because he was only halfblood himself. All he needed to do was to give her a proper apology and stop hanging out with assholes like Bellatrix and everything would be fine, but he didn't.

Instead, he dug his heels in, refused to change and actually seemed quite surprised when Lily's response was to stop speaking to him. But even an asshole like Severus didn't deserve what Sirius tried to do to him. 

Snape had always been suspicious about Remus, his scars, his secrecy, the way he acted every full moon. No, suspicious is the wrong word, nosey would be more apt. And his nosiness had led him to discover whatever Remus’s secret was, it had something to do with the Whomping Willow. 

Sirius had joked to Peter that he should tell Snape how to get past the whomping Willow and into the secret passage to the shrieking shack. That if he wanted to find out Remus’s secret so bad, he could do it the hard way. They both found the thought of Snape running terrified from a very pissed off werewolf hilarious and Peter soon forgot about the whole conversation. 

And Snape nearly died as a result.

Because Sirius wasn't joking, he was bouncing ideas off Peter and with his assumed approval he went ahead with the plan. 

Luckily James realized what was happening at the last minute and managed to save Snape, so nothing really happened, but everything changed after that. 

Remus was furious at Sirius and questioning if he could ever really trust any of us ever again. 

James had realized that their treatment of Snape had gone too far, and he needed to become a better person. 

Lily had finally copped on that James only acted like a dick and wasn't really one deep down.

And Sirius, acknowledging that he had fucked up, decided to be completely immature about it, not apologize, and blame everyone else. 

Oh, and they all were furious at Peter for not saying anything or stopping Sirius. 

While the animosity between Sirius and the other three presented in snide comments, arguments and the occasional drawn wand, their reaction to Peter was to just cut him out and stop speaking to him entirely.

Peter had always suspected that he was the most disposable member of the friend group and he was finally proven right. 

Unable to speak to his friends, to apologize or find a way to make it better Peter felt helpless so when he finally realized that there was someone else he should probably apologize to he jumped at the chance to actually do something even if it was Snape.

And so, Peter and Severus's first conversation that didn't involve the hurling of insults or spells centered around Peter stopping him in the hallway, asking to speak with him in private and apologizing for not raising the alarm when Sirius ‘joked’ about doing something that was borderline attempted murder. 

It went better than expected. 

“Why didn't you say anything?” Snape asked crossing his arms and leaning back on a desk in the empty classroom. 

“I genuinely didn't think he was serious; we've joked about doing all sorts of things to you and others. Bad things but we never did them. The guys can be reckless and maybe a bit mean but they're not cruel.” 

“Well, they could've fooled me,” Snape snarked “and don't act like you weren't a part of all of their so-called pranks.”

“Hey, I just go along with the group. None of it is ever my idea.”

Snape let out a humorless chuckle “So you think that's a good excuse, you were just following along with everyone else?”

“Isn't it the same excuse you gave Lily, you were just following along with your friends and their blood purist bullshit, just repeating what they said when you called her a mudblood.”

Snape had the good sense to look a bit guilty at hearing that.

“Fine whatever, you've apologized for participating in my attempted murder. If that's all, I have a test to study for.”

“Arithmancy right? The test that we have on Tuesday?”

Snape nodded 

“You're probably going to fail; I mean no offense but you're useless at any of the arithmancy that isn't needed for potions.”

“Fuck you” Snape said offended “it's not like you're any…” the better at the end went unsaid because despite being pretty average at most of his subjects Peter was actually top of their class in arithmancy and Snape knew it.

“Look I'm not trying to make fun of you, it's just I owe you so maybe we could have a study session. It could help you prep for the test.”

Snape, despite all odds agreed. 

Their Arithmancy study sessions soon became a habit. It wasn't a popular subject at NEWT level and neither of them had any friends in the class so it was nice to have someone to study with, commiserate over the workload and have a guaranteed partner for group work who would actually do their share of the work. 

It wasn't long before they became friends. In many ways they were kindred spirits, both always the odd one out, both loving to complain about how unfair life was to them and neither willing to actually do anything about it. 

Still, it was an unlikely friendship.

And an even more unlikely romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos or comments would be appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, i was hoping to get this done earlier but then college and Christmas happened. Sorry for the delay

It was hard to tell how it began, looking back. So many long afternoons were spent tucked away in the corner of the library or in an empty classroom where they sat a little bit too close, where they leaned into each other a bit too far, where hands and eye contact were held for a bit too long for it to truly be called platonic. 

By the time they actually kissed it felt like they had been dating for weeks. 

And while it was hard to tell how it began, how it ended was painfully clear in Peter's mind. 

It was their final year of Hogwarts and Peter was stressed. Exams were coming up and then graduation and then straight to work taking over his dad's handyman business. He was hoping for a short break after school ended, the guys were thinking of doing a holiday together, but his dad's failing health made that impossible. 

There was a surprising amount of work for a handyman in the wizarding world what with most Wizards unable and unwilling to understand how a toilet plunger works and that ‘Reparo’ doesn't undo breaks it just magically glues the pieces back together so it will probably break again. 

It didn't help that dad was putting pressure on him to get Excellents in arithmancy and charms so he would be qualified to make vanishing cabinets. With the way things were going his dad was certain there would be a spike in demand. 

There was a war coming and all Peter's dad was worried about was how to profit from it. 

However, the biggest stressor of all was the fact that none of his friends knew about his boyfriend. Well, they knew he was dating someone, that much was impossible to hide, and they had stopped pestering him for details once he told them it was a guy who wasn't out yet. He didn't think his friends would appreciate him dating the guy they all kind of hated and for some reason Peter didn't think “he only acts like a blood supremacist around his Slytherin friends, he's great one on one“ would be a particularly compelling argument. 

But he had a plan. 

All he needed was for his friends to spend some time with Snape and then they would realize that he's really not so bad. That he’s calm, smart, a bit snarky but mostly just awkward and then Peter could leave Hogwarts with good grades, a job, four best friends and a boyfriend, he would have his whole life sorted. 

But first step one. 

“So, you know how professor Sprout is doing that midnight viewing of the wolfsbane plants blooming under the full moon.” Peter asked, sitting on the teacher’s desk of an abandoned classroom with Severus standing between his legs. 

Severus had ended up stupid tall while Peter stayed short so for the sake of Sev’s back and Peter's neck, make out sessions usually involved the shorter one on some sort of table or ledge. 

“Yeah, I know, I was planning on going.” He answered, confused as to why they were talking and not kissing. 

“Great, I'm going to with Mooney I mean Remus.”

“What is it with you guys and those dumb nicknames?” He asked with a smile “why are you bringing this up, we'll just do what we always do and act like we barely know each other in public.” 

“Well, this time I was thinking you could come over to us to, like, ask me something about arithmancy homework and then you could stay and chat with us. I'm sure if you just spend some time with the guys you would get along and Remus is the most agreeable, so I figured he'd be the best to start with.”

“And why would I want to get along with the marauders?” 

“Because they are my friends and if they don't hate you anymore, we can be open about our relationship after Hogwarts. In three months time you won't be sharing a dormitory with Bellatrix and acting like a blood purist and homophobe won't be such a necessity for survival.” Peter explained. 

“I could patch things up with Lily.” Snape said quietly. 

“Exactly, all you need to do is give her a proper apology, and maybe some flowers, and you could be friends again.”

“She'd want me back; she'd love me again.” Snape murmured stepping back, seemingly forgetting about Peter. 

Peter slipped off the desk onto his feet, “seriously you'd pick her over me. She hates you; she's hated you for years and you'd still pick her. I'm right here, right in front of you and I lo…”

The word caught in his throat. 

Snape had the decency to look guilty, but he didn't deny it and Peter left him fighting back tears. 

Everything started to fall apart for Peter after that. 

He blew up at Sirius at graduation after finding out he let the marauders map get confiscated by Filch. They all thought he was overreacting, that it was useless to them now that they were leaving Hogwarts, but they hadn't given up countless nights of sleep to scurry around the castle as a rat mapping it out and finding its secrets. 

Soon after graduation the war that had been brewing for years finally broke out with Tom Riddle declaring himself Lord Voldemort and promising to rid the wizarding world of all those of impure blood. The ministry did next to nothing, so the Order of the Phoenix was formed. Peter was happy enough to join, to do his part. He wasn't much of a fighter but as a rat he would make a great spy. The marauders were going to be on the front lines so that's where he had to be. 

His dad died within a year of leaving Hogwarts and with the current climate none of his friends could come to the funeral out of fear of attack. 

So, he was alone when Voldemort found him. Standing at his father's freshly filled grave, tired and frustrated after hours of hearing ‘sorry for your loss’, ‘he was a great man’, ‘a hard worker, unafraid of toil, a true Hufflepuff’. 

Hours of Peter fighting back a scream of ‘he was a coldhearted bastard’

And Tom Riddle was so handsome, so charming, so convincing and Peter was so so bitter.

Peter didn't feel like he was betraying his friends, not really. The Order knew how weak he was, so they never told him anything, so he had no secrets to give to the death eaters. 

Until…

James thought he was being so clever. He, Lily and the baby needed to go into hiding and if he made Peter their secret keeper, the last person anyone would ever suspect, they be safe for sure. 

Lord Voldemort knew Peter had the Potters location the second he saw him. It wasn't very well known but the dark Lord was an expert at legemency, he could easily slip inside your mind, root around and discover all your secrets.

Peter only discovered this because the rat consciousness that lives in the back of his mind could sense an intruder, a predator. 

But because of how the spell that protected the Potters worked, Voldemort would only know their location if Peter told him.

He managed to hold out for a few months, arguing that if he gave up the Potters location his cover would be blown and they'd lose their only informant in the Order, that any day now they would tell him something important. 

But they didn't and it was Halloween at the Malfoy Manor when he finally gave up the Potters’ location. 

Lucius was left in the Manor to guard Peter while the rest the death eaters left on their missions. Two simultaneous attacks, one on the Potters and the other Peter didn't know. 

The death eaters told him little more than the Order did. 

Lucius was meant to be watching him in case he made an attempt to tip off the Order but that wasn't really a concern, they didn't even take his wand from him. 

Peter hadn't made a single attempt to warn the Order in the year he'd been a death eater, why would that change now. 

He was even given free rein of the Manor, but he mostly stayed in the bathroom, retching into a toilet bowl. 

He was rinsing the vomit from his mouth at the bathroom sink, reminding himself over and over that James was an arrogant prick, Lily was a mudblood bitch and that Harry looked just like them, would grow up to be just like them, when he saw it. 

A very familiar rat squeezing under the bathroom door before transforming right in front of him into a very familiar man. 

Himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos or comments would be appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

The two Peters stared at each other in dead silence until the younger broke it with a weak “You’re me?”

“Yes,” the other replied “from the future.” 

“What the fuck?” Peter whispered as he looked more closely at his future self. The years, he realized, will not be kind to him, the hair he usually kept neat and close cropped will apparently grow long, matted and untamed with the occasional bald patch. His future face was sunken and sagging, and he appeared to have lost a hand somewhere along the way and replaced it with a silver one.

“You can't betray the Potters!” the older man insisted, frantically grabbing the younger by the shoulders and shaking him. “I know it's hard, but you have to resist the dark Lord, you have to fight him!” 

“It's too late, I’ve already done it. Lord Voldemort is heading to Godric's Hollow as we speak.” Peter said shoving the other off of him. 

“Merlin’s ballsac,” he cursed running his hand through his unkempt hair. “Wait you have your wand, right? You could get a message out to the Order.” 

“I'm trapped in Malfoy Manor or don't you remember, the only way I can get a message out is with a Patronus. That’s hardly a subtle spell and Lucius is just down the hall, he'll notice and then come kill me.” 

“Then die,” the older said, looking deadly serious. “James and Lily are going to die tonight if you don’t do anything. I know we’ve always believed it’s better to be an alive coward than brave and dead but trust me we’re wrong. The Dark Lord is a liar, he won’t make anything better.” 

It looked like the older man was about to say more but he was interrupted by a sharp cracking sound and the bathroom quickly filling up with floating, sparkly, glowing sand. The source was the older man himself. The Time Turner around his neck had cracked and he was rapidly dissolving into sand. 

“What's happening?” Peter asked but the older man had completely dissolved before he even had a chance to open his mouth to reply.

Peter watched in horror as his older self faded away until even the floating sand had disappeared into nothingness.

His future self had just died right in front of him but surprisingly Peter felt a wave of eerie calmness fill his body. Death had always been inevitable, but Peter had hoped for at least a peaceful one, in his bed of old age but it seemed that wasn’t in cards for him. That knowledge was strangely freeing to him, he was going to die no matter what, so he might as well die a hero. 

Peter drew his wand and stared at it. If he conjured a Patronus now a large blast of white light would certainly alert Lucius, not to mention in such a small room the energy would probably shatter the windows. It wouldn't be discreet when it arrived at Godric's Hollow either. If the Dark Lord was anywhere nearby, he would know what was happening, it would barely give Lilly and James a few seconds of warning before the Dark Lord was on them. 

‘Maybe if I sent the Patronus to someone else?’ he thought to himself, ‘and they could discreetly warn the Potters, but who?’

Remus was probably the only one he could get a Patronus to and if there’s any luck Sirius will be with him. 

Peter quickly began by applying every spell he could think of to the bathroom door to keep it shut. Jamming the hinges, then the lock and finally sealing the door to the door frame. At best it would only give him 5 minutes; while Lucius may have only made ever one intelligent decision in his life, marrying Narcissa, he was still a competent wizard so 5 minutes would have to do. 

He raised his wand and as loud as he dared, he called out “Expecto Patronum”. A few thin wisps of white light came out of the end of his wand but nothing more. 

‘A happy memory’ he reminded himself ‘you need to focus on a happy memory. Think about the first time you transformed into a rat, about having the ability to scurry through the halls of Hogwarts with more speed and agility then even James had achieved on his broom. Remember sneaking into the kitchens and raiding the pantry, remember gorging yourself on a whole wheel of cheese.’ Focusing on the simple uncomplicated joy of that moment, of being free of all human concerns, he once again cried out “Expecto Patronum” but this time a glowing white rat jumped forth from his wand and dashed off to Remus. 

The light was blinding and as expected, the window shattered along with the mirror and even the toilet bowl. Distantly he could hear Lucius cry out, demanding to know what had happened but he was focusing on his Patronus, if he lost concentration for even a split second the spell would break. The rat made of blinding white light travelled miles in seconds and cracked a few windows at Remus's apartment upon arrival. The man himself jerked up from where he was sitting on the couch, knocking Sirius to the ground, who had been lying with him using his lap as pillow, in the process. 

“Peter!” Remus exclaimed. “What the bloody hell is going on?” Sirius added from the floor. 

“James and Lily are in Godric's Hollow. Lord Voldemort is heading there right now to kill them. You have to get them out.”

“Did the Death Eaters get to you? Where are you?” Sirius asked.

“Forget about me. Save the Potters.” Was all Peter could get out before a large bang from behind him broke his concentration, ending the spell. More bangs came as spell after spell hit the bathroom door causing it to rattle and groan. It would appear Lucius had decided to try blasting through the door rather than attempt break any of the enchantments Peter had used to keep it closed and, from the looks of it, it was working. 

Peter contemplated running, turning into a rat and scurrying away but with the magical wards keeping him in the Manor he would only be delaying the inevitable if he ran now, the only difference would be that he would die tired. In what little time he had left he could probably send off another Patronus, maybe to his mother to say goodbye. He hadn't seen her since the funeral, it was too hard to watch her weep and mourn for a man that he had hated, that he felt she should have hated. 

But as he raised his wand for what was presumably the last time in what was presumably his last moments it wasn't his mother he wished to speak to.

It was Severus. 

With Severus on his mind, thinking of a happy memory was surprisingly simple. It was the end of 6th year on the one genuinely hot day you ever get in a British summer. Both of them had finished their exams and the two of them were lazing about by the lake. He was lying in the grass soaking up the sun using Severus’s lap as a pillow while the other played with his hair while reading a book. Peter had never been a particularly calm person; he'd been some combination of anxious and nervous for as long as he could remember and adding the consciousness of a tiny prey animal to the back of his mind didn't exactly help things but being with Severus was different. He was always so steady and unshakable that any time spent with him was the most relaxed Peter had ever felt. He was the potions professor at Hogwarts now, everyone always said it was so impressive considering how young he was and neglected to mention that he only really got the job because Slughorn his predecessor had resigned without warning two weeks before term started leaving Dumbledore scrambling to find a replacement. 

Professor Severus Snape was in the potion’s laboratory supervising when it happened. After much begging and pleading he had finally allowed the Slytherins from his 7th year advanced potions class to use his laboratory, cauldron and equipment to prepare a punch for the Halloween party they were hosting in the common room. Snape was only really there to make sure they didn't put any alcohol in it like they promised. He didn't for one second doubt that once they took the cauldron away it would get spiked, but he wanted to have deniability in case anything happened. Regardless he did plan to swing round the common room to shut down the party at around two in the morning but, until then, there was no harm in them having their fun. But all plans changed when a blinding white light unexpectedly filled the room. He quickly drew his wand and moved between the students and the glowing white rat that had burst into the room. 

“Identify yourself!” he commanded. 

“It's me Sev, it's Peter.” Said the rat Patronus. 

“What is the meaning of this Peter.” Snape said lowering his wand realizing that there was no threat. 

“I'm sorry I just wanted to say goodbye.” 

Severus was confused as to what he meant by that, but he quickly figured out when he could hear, from wherever Peter was, someone yelling out “Open the door right now or I'll kill you!”

“Fuck off! You’re going to kill me anyway.” Peter yelled back. 

“Out! Out right now!” he yelled at his students. “And get the Headmaster at once.” 

“Peter, where are you? what's going on?” he asked the Patronus in a quieter voice. 

“I'm at the Malfoy Manor but it's fine. There's nothing you can do I just wanted to apologize before I died. It’s kinda funny that our relationship’s gonna begin and end with me apologizing to you. It’s like poetic or something.” 

Severus could hear the pain in his voice. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“Yes, I do. Back in seventh year I just walked away from you, from us. I didn't bother trying or fighting to keep you. I'm sorry for that. I just I wanted you to love me and only me, completely, for exactly who I was. I know that’s too much to ask.” 

Severus was stunned into silence; he didn't know what to say. Before he could come up with something the Headmaster burst into the room followed shortly by Professor McGonagall. 

“Mr Pettigrew is that you? What in Merlin's name is going on?” Dumbledore asked.

“Yes, it's me. Everything is fine I just wanted to say goodbye to Sev.” Peter replied weakly. 

Finally, Snape found his voice. “The Death Eaters are going to kill him Albus, we have to do something.” 

Dumbledore ignored him, instead asking Peter if the Death Eaters have the Potters location. 

“Yes, I'm sorry but I've already sent Remus and Sirius to save them. They should be fine” 

“And the Longbottoms?” 

“What about them?” Peter asked. 

“Yes Albus, what about them?” McGonagall chipped in. “Are Frank and Alice in danger?” 

“Almost certainly. If Voldemort plans to kill Harry tonight, then he probably sent someone to deal with the Longbottom child as well.” 

An explosion could be heard through the Patronus. “Merlin’s ballsac.” Peter cursed. “I thought I’d have more time. There is another attack planned for tonight, but I don’t know the target.”

“Minerva, alert the Order.” Dumbledore commanded and she rushed from the room. The Headmaster then turned back to Peter’s Patronus and said “This was very brave of you Peter. You are a true Gryffindor in the end. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain. I’ll leave you to your goodbyes”

Then it was just a dumfounded Severus and a glowing white rat.

“Sacrifice?” Severus wondered aloud. “what does he mean by that. You’re not going to die.”

He was having difficulty processing the situation, so Peter spelled it out for him.

“Yes, I am Sev. This is goodbye. I loved you and I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted to love you, but I did.” and then the Patronus faded away into nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos or comments would be appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this chapter is a bit short

“Professor, are you ok?” George asked. After getting Dumbledore the Slytherin advanced potions students, not wanting to miss out on the action, had been waiting quietly in the hallway. They hadn’t been able to overhear what had happened but from the shocked look on their Professor’s face and the tears welling in his eyes they could tell it hadn’t gone well. George as the Head Boy had felt it was up to him to check on Snape.

“They're going to kill him.” the professor muttered after a long pause. He was still staring off into space and didn't seem to notice that the students had come back into the room.

“Who is going to kill who?” George asked gently. 

“The Death Eaters,” the professor said turning to them. “They're going to kill…” he paused, finally realizing who he was talking to. “You all should go back to your common room and keep this to yourself.” 

The students all looked to George for guidance and he gave them a shake of his head, they weren't leaving. George, as a muggle born, had quite a lot of opinions on the Death Eaters but as a Slytherin had to keep them to himself for the most part. 

“And what are you going to do about it? he asked. 

“What do you mean?” The professor asked wiping away the tears that he just realized we're there. 

“You clearly care about whomever is going to die, shouldn't you try save them?” 

“It would be a suicide mission; I'd be vastly outnumbered.” 

“Oh, so you're some idiot Gryffindor who runs into danger halfcocked with no plan?” 

“No.” The Professor snapped “Of course not but Dumbledore was acting like Peter was already dead, he's not going to help me. Who else is there.” The only regular contacts Snape had outside of Dumbledore we're Death Eaters and not likely to defy Lord Voldemort for him. 

“Me.” George said, “I'll take any excuse to fight the Death Eaters and anyway Slytherins look after their own and if this Peter guy is important to you then he's important to us.” 

The rest of the students nodded in agreement. 

Snape opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish before finally coming up with the response. “I'm not dragging children into this war.” 

“We’re 17.” 

“Yes, exactly children. But you have a point. I may not have any other friends, but Peter does maybe with their help…” Snape trailed off. 

He didn't know what to do, he'd been given a lot of information to process in a very short amount of time. Lilly had almost died tonight apparently, and Peter was going to die soon if he didn't do anything. He looked at George and couldn't bear the expectation in his eyes. He expected him to do something, to fight the Death Eaters not once considering that Snape might be one of them. He wasn't officially, Snape had stood on the sidelines for most of this war. He still associated with a lot of Death Eaters but thanks to Dumbledore's encouragement he'd stayed away from the violence. 

Dumbledore had looked at him expectedly too, ever since they had found out that Lord Voldemort was a threat to Lily the headmaster wanted him to become a double agent, to undermine the Death Eaters, to protect Lily. He'd dithered not particularly wanting to get involved and assuming that since Voldemort was only after the baby, Lily would be safe. 

And while Snape was preoccupied with Lily, Peter had gone and gotten himself into serious trouble. Peter who loved him apparently, Peter who’d spent his last moments saying goodbye to him. Even with Peter's friends’ help the chance of saving him would be slim. ‘But’ Snape wondered ‘maybe he owed it to Peter to try and maybe he even owed it to his students.’ 

In a flurry of activity Snape rushed to grab the leather satchel full of his most powerful potions that he kept in his desk and raced after Dumbledore. 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The noise startled James awake from his nap on the couch. Someone was furiously banging on their door which was unusual enough on its own but to make it weirder it was the backdoor. Rushing to grab his wand from where he left it in the kitchen, he slowly approached the backdoor. 

“Who is it?” he asked. 

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” came a hurried reply. 

He quickly yanked the door open to see Sirius and Remus standing in his back garden. 

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get here? What's going on?” 

“We don't have time; you know who is coming.” Remus replied as Sirius pushed past James into the house and immediately moved to start sealing up the front door. 

“James who's there?” Lily called from upstairs. 

“Grab Harry, we need to go now!” James replied and went to grab their go bag from underneath the stairs. 

Lily was coming down the stairs; Harry clutched to her chest with one hand, her wand in the other and a diaper bag sling slung over her shoulder, when the front door began to rattle. 

Someone was trying to get in. 

Protection charms had been put on the house to prevent anyone from apparating or disapparating on the premises, so they had to get out of the building to escape. Quietly as they dared the four of them the moved to the backdoor. 

They were in the back garden by the time the front door had been blasted off its hinges. He who must not be named was standing in the doorway, wand raised. 

Sirius and James started firing off spells as Remus grabbed Lily and the baby and disapparated. The other two followed shortly, all arriving out of breath at an Order safe house. 

This Order safe house was an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of the Welsh countryside. It was the designated fallback point in case of attack as it didn't have an Apparition ban making it easy to get in and out of, but it wasn't suitable for long term use as a result. 

When he finally got his breath back James turned to Remus and said, “What happened to Peter?”

Remus just shook his head. A solemn silence broke over the group as they took a moment too process their friend’s death. It was broken by the sound of a crying baby. They all turned to Harry but found him still fast asleep in Lily's arms. 

After a quick look around, they found an awkward looking Severus Snape standing in the hallway holding a crying baby at arm’s length.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos or comments would be appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Luckily for Snape the Longbottoms, Dumbledore and Mad Eye Moody soon arrived at the safe house and Alice thankfully took the crying Neville from him into the next room to calm him down. It was clear that Snape had never held a baby before in his life. Apparently, the Death Eaters were surrounding the Longbottom house when Dumbledore, Snape and Moody had arrived, poised to attack but seemingly waiting for some kind of signal. However, when they got it, they all left quite abruptly. Snape had been sent ahead to the safe house with Neville while the rest grabbed Longbottoms’ go bag and scoped out the area to make sure the death eaters were actually gone. 

“How did you know to check on the Longbottoms Professor?” Sirius asked.

The group had moved to what was left of the old house’s sitting room, spreading out on the floor and the two dilapidated couches it had to offer.

“I interrupted Peter’s last goodbye to Severus to ask him some questions.” Dumbledore replied. “He only knew that there was a second attack tonight not the target. I guessed that it was the Longbottoms and mercifully I was correct.” 

“That wasn’t his last goodbye.” Severus snapped. “But it will be if we don’t hurry. The nine of us should be enough to breach the Malfoy Manor and save him.” Severus had been distracted from his mission for long enough and he would not tolerate Dumbledore’s delays any longer.

There was an awkward pause before Moody, who was sitting next to him, put a comforting hand on his shoulder and said “Look kid death can be hard to accept but...”

“He’s not dead!” Severus yelled, shoving Moody off of him.

“Anyone else really fucking confused that Snivellus cares so much about Peter?” James wondered aloud from his seat on the floor.

“It’s…. uh… complicated.” Was all Severus could think to say.

“It’s really not.” Remus butted in. He turned to his friends. “Remember that guy Peter was dating for the last two years of school. The one still in the closet.”

“That was Snivellus!” Sirius exclaimed. The rest had similar looks of shock.

“How did you know about us?”

“I was the one who found him, crying, after you broke his hart. Your name slipped out between the sobbing.” Remus answered fixing Snape with a harsh glare. He’d always planned to keep that secret, but he wouldn’t tolerate Snape pretending to care about his dead friend now when he clearly didn’t back then. 

Now all the marauders were glaring at Snape. 

Having grown up poor with a muggle father and then placed in Slytherin, Severus had a lot of experience of being judged but this time was different. In the past other people's judgment had inspired bitterness and defensiveness in him but this time he actually felt guilty. It had never occurred to him that Peter had been upset by the breakup, it had seemed amicable enough to him. Peter had realized that, despite them dating for nearly two years, Severus was still in love with Lily and decided to end things there and then. No harm, no foul. 

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife and the actual adults had decided that this had gone on for long enough. 

“I feel like we're getting off topic.” Frank said awkwardly. 

“Exactly.” Dumbledore agreed “Right now it's more important that we figure out how the Death Eaters knew that Peter had the Potters location. Most people were under the impression that Sirius was your Secret Keeper.”

Snape had a pretty good idea how the Death Eaters knew, because Peter was probably one of them. He'd heard it mentioned that the Dark Lord had put a lot of effort into acquiring a mole in the Order of the Phoenix that had ended up being almost completely useless. However, he knew he would never convince anyone to help rescue Peter if they thought he'd betrayed them, so he quickly spoke up. 

“Well, they wouldn't have needed to know he was the Secret Keeper to have a reason to kidnap him, it was pretty well known that he was an Order member. Peter probably messed up, got kidnapped and let the Potters location slip under torture.” 

“If that's the case,” Dumbledore queried, “then how did he know about the second attack?” 

“Probably just overheard something while he was captured.” Snape suggested, not appreciating Dumbledore poking holes in his story. 

“I suppose that’s plausible.” The headmaster said in a slow voice. “But how did he manage to get the two Patronus messages out, they would have taken his wand.” 

“Well, that wouldn't have mattered.” Sirius interjected. “Peter is shit at dueling and he knows it. He probably just decked one of those death eaters, nicked his wand and barricaded himself somewhere to send off the messages. We’ll know which one killed him by their broken nose.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” James said joining in. “Peter never bothered with wands. He always went fist first into fights. Remember the time in 5th year in the Three Broomsticks when those two guys were harassing Dorcas. He put one on the ground with one punch before the other hit him so hard it knocked his tooth out.”

“Yeah, I remember James. I was the one who put his tooth back in.” Remus said with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes. 

“Come on.” Moody said to Dumbledore and the Longbottoms. “Let's leave them to mourn their friend, we should be checking in with the Order anyway.” 

They moved to leave but Alice hung back, handing the baby Neville over to her husband and once the door had closed behind them, she said “Severus you said that Peter was in the Malfoy Manor?” 

“Yes, and I'm pretty sure Lucius was trying to break into wherever he’d barricaded himself. He'll be dead soon if we don't do something.” 

“Oh, dear he's almost certainly dead already.” The older woman said in a soothing voice. “But I doubt Lucius Malfoy would have killed him himself and especially not in the Manor. The Malfoy family has gone to great pains to not be linked to any violence. Lucius probably called someone in do the job and they probably would have moved Peter to a secondary location to do it. Somewhere secluded but not too far so as not to risk him escaping during transport, somewhere like the forest behind the Manor. Look I'm not telling you this to hurt you, it's just you might have an opportunity to collect his body. Death Eaters don't usually clean up their kills.” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Longbottom. Is there any chance you would be able to look after Harry while we go bring Peter home?” Lilly asked.

***

It was almost 2 in the morning when they apparated to edge of the forest furthest from the Manor. Lilly and the guys weren’t exactly happy with Snape tagging along but the constant steam of tears that were leaking form his eyes since accepting Peter’s fate made him a bit too pitiful looking to say no to.

“We should split up to search the forest.” Snape suggested hoarsely. “It’ll be quicker.”

“It’ll actually go faster if you lot stay here while me and Sirius scope the forest out first.” James countered.

Lilly nodded her assent and James and Sirius transformed into a stag and dog respectively and raced off into the forest.

“They’re Animagi? I mean I knew Peter was one but them too?” Snape asked.

“Yeah, they are and if you report them to the ministry you won’t be able to do much else when I’m done with you.” Lily snapped. 

“I wouldn't do that.” Snape said defensively. 

“Yes, you would.” 

“Do you really think so little of me?” Snape asked weakly. 

“Yes, and I also don't understand how Peter could date someone like you.” 

“Lily, not now.” Remus interrupted; eyes focused on the forest. 

“No Peter was a kind man. How the fuck could he date a blood purist asshole like you?” 

“He didn't think I was one.” came Snape's quiet reply. “I don't think I am one.” 

The response clearly pissed Lily off, so Snape was quick to follow it with “Look I don't know if this is common knowledge among Gryffindors but any Slytherin that's not a pureblood needs to keep their mouth shut about politics if they know what's good for them. There was literally nothing stopping Bellatrix Lestrange from attacking me in my sleep if I got on her bad side back then. I don't care about blood status and I don't get why anyone else does. You're the one who always told me it didn't matter. “

“You called me a mudblood.” 

“Yeah, and if blood status doesn't matter then why did you care so much. It's just a word.” 

Remus had to step in and restrain Lily from taking a swing at Severus.

“Words exist in a context, you fucking idiot. And that context is all the muggles and muggleborns that the Death Eaters have killed. It's the centuries of purebloods looking down on us, of treating us like second class citizens all because we're not inbred up the wazoo like them. It may just be a word, but people are literally dying. Peter is literally dead.” Lilly yelled, tears streaming from her eyes. 

“Guys we're here to collect Peter's body, now is not the time for this.” Remus said. 

“I'm sorry.” Snape said realizing he’d fucked up and trying to backpedal. “And you're right. Peter was a kind man and he wanted me to apologize to you and make nice with the Marauders. He thought that once we were out of Hogwarts and I wasn't sharing a dorm with Bellatrix anymore things could be better. That I could be better, but then we broke up and that never happened.”

“Why did you break up?” Remus asked. “I could never get Peter to tell me.” 

‘Because Peter realized I was still in love with Lily’ Snape thought but all he said was that it was complicated.

Any further questioning was prevented by James and Sirius bursting from the tree line in their Animagus forms, shifting back to human mid-run.

“Did you find him?” Remus asked.

“Yeah,” James replied out of breath. “And he’s still alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that. any kudos or comments would be appreciated.
> 
> I was trying to frame Snape's actions in a way where they were still wrong but understandable, I'd be grateful to know if I succeeded.


	7. Chapter 7

Pain 

Agony 

It felt like the Cruciatus curse was pumping fire, then ice, then needles, through his veins. His muscles spasmed and contracted as he flailed on the forest floor. 

The Dark Lord's most trusted allies, masked and hooded, watched him from a loose circle. They stood there unmoving, looking without seeing, as he writhed in agony. This was not a particularly empathetic bunch. 

Around twenty people were present to watch the show but only two showed their faces on this cold winter’s night. The Dark Lord himself and his favourite torturer Bellatrix Lestrange. 

Peter had always had a bit of pity for her, he had known Sirius well enough to realise that the Ancient and Noble House of Black did not exactly provide a caring and nurturing environment to raise children in. There was always something dark in her he remembered, from all the way back in first year. A wound, perhaps, that had never fully healed. She was always too loud, too bold, too brash. Too big for the space she was meant to take up and constantly squeezed by the constraints society placed on her. Sure, she had a mean streak but nothing too unusual for a teenage girl. 

But that was before meeting the Dark Lord.

Now she took joy in cruelty, had a sister she didn't speak to and a husband she didn’t love. The Dark Lord was an expert at bringing out the worst in people. Peter knew this personally.

It was interesting to see Lord Voldemort from this angle, at his feet looking up. The position that the Dark Lord probably felt he should always have been in. Before this Peter had thought he looked so handsome, so beautiful, the face of an angel as befits a devil but now he can't help but think he just looks so ….plain. He was tall, he had good hair but not much else going for him. Just a generic white guy glaring down at him. 

To say that Lord Voldemort was unhappy with Peter would be an understatement, for not only had he foiled his plans to murder the Potters, but he had also finally found a way to counter Voldemort's legemency skills. 

Peter had been brought at wand point to a clearing in the forest behind the Manor and thrown at the Dark Lord’s feet. He had tried to stand up, to look his killer in the eye and die on his feet but a masked Death Eater decided to give him a kick in the balls instead. So, he was curled up in a ball, pain radiating from his crotch when the Dark Lord had slipped inside his mind.

Thanks to the rat consciousness that lived in the back of his head Peter was alerted immediately to the presence of a predator in his mind. A better wizard could have forced the Dark Lord out, but Peter was never the better wizard. But this time Peter didn't care about stopping Lord Voldemort from seeing his memories or reading his thoughts. Right now, all he wanted was for the Dark Lord to feel his pain and with a mental strength he didn't know he had, he did it. Peter forced the intruder, not out of his mind, but into the part of his conscious where his pain was. 

Lord Voldemort flinched and didn’t attempt to re-enter Peter’s head after that. He instead tried to get information from him the more traditional way. 

“How many times do we have to go over this, give me the location of the Order member you contacted, and I will give you a quick death.” Voldemort said after the most recent wave of pain reduced to a dull ache.

“I don't know the location. I don’t know anything.” Peter whimpered.

“Yes, you do. I’m well aware that the Patronus messages the Order uses requires a location” the Dark Lord countered, walking around him in a slow circle. Voldemort thought so little of Peter that he hadn't even bothered to draw his own wand, instead he held Peter’s. He casually twirled it in his hand as he looked down at the pitiful, whimpering man. 

“There's another way.” Peter said struggling upright onto his knees, using his sleeve to wipe snot and tears from his face. 

“Well then feel free to enlighten us.” 

“It was Remus Lupin I contacted and because I had used his wand before there was a trace of my magic in it.” Peter explained. He knew they were going to kill him sooner or later, but he figured that the more he talked the less they would torture him. “You see, you're always connected to your magic even if it’s just a trace of it, even if it’s far away. It's something you learn in advanced Arithmancy. I didn't send the Patronus message to Lupin's location, I sent it to the trace of my magic in his wand. I don't know where he is and I couldn't find out even if I wanted to, but I can send certain spells to him.” 

There was silence as the group processed Peter’s words until finally Lord Voldemort asked, “Did anyone here take Arithmancy for N.E.W.Ts?” 

Only one hand raised. Arithmancy hadn’t been a popular subject among purebloods ever since its mathematical techniques proved that the distribution of magical ability across the wizarding community follows the standard bell curve and has absolutely nothing to do with your blood status. So, it’s not surprising that the people who follow Lord Voldemort aren’t all that interested in studying the subject that disproves the myth of pureblood supremacy. 

“Is what he's saying true?” the Dark Lord asked the one Death Eater who had raised their hand. 

“Yes, my Lord.” was their quick reply. 

“Oh well, I guess you learn something new every day” the Dark Lord joked, trying to regain control of the situation. “What reason did you have to use Lupin’s wand?” 

“I lost my own wand right before a Charms test, so he let me borrow his.” 

“And how spectacularly did you fail that test?” he asked casually like he wasn't going to have Peter murdered before the sun rose. It was well known that using someone else’s wand produced unpredictable and at times dangerous results. 

“I actually did okay. One of the other things we learned in Arithmancy is the magical theory behind wands. Like, they’re channels for our magic right? And your wand chooses you because it's designed for the rate of magic you produce. So, if you want to successfully use someone else’s wand, in addition to the traditional way of defeating them in battle and claiming the wand as your own, therefore forcing it to change for you, you can instead adjust your rate of magic output to suit the wand. It's actually kind of fascinating and … you don't care.” Peter trailed off realising that everyone was looking weirdly at him. 

Voldemort gave a nod to Bellatrix and with her cry of “Crucio” another wave of pain rushed through him. 

“All right then, how about the location of an Order safe house?” 

“22 Cromwell Road, London.” Peter whispered, more to the forest floor than the crowd around him. 

“Which Order member is hiding there, the Mackinnons perhaps.” That family had managed to slip through the Death Eaters’ grasp 2-3 months ago and Voldemort was eager to put them in the ground to lessen the embarrassment of it. 

“No, it's mine.” Peter mumbled. 

Lord Voldemort let out a frustrated sigh and Bellatrix let out cry of “Crucio”. 

A Death Eater stepped forward and although she was masked Peter knew her voice, Narcissa Malfoy. “Perhaps he's telling the truth and he doesn't know anything else.” 

“I would agree … who in their right mind would trust pitiful Peter Pettigrew with a secret? I'm still amazed that James Potter did. But I know he's hiding something from me.”

It would seem that Lord Voldemort had taken Peter’s fighting him when he entered his mind as an attempt to hide something and not the last desperate act of a man with one foot firmly in the grave with the other soon to join. 

“Let’s break this down shall we.” Voldemort says to the crowd. “Peter barricaded himself in the bathroom, sent off a message to Remus Lupin and was apprehended.” 

“Actually, my Lord.” a Death Eater interrupted; it was almost certainly Lucius “I believe he sent off a second Patronus, but I don't know to whom. I was too busy trying to get the door open as soon as possible.” 

“Interesting.” Lord Voldemort said and turned back to the shaking man lying face down on the forest floor. “Who was the second person you contacted?” 

Peter said nothing and a wicked grin spread across the Dark Lord’s face. “It would appear we are finally asking the right question.” 

***  
Peter’s screams were hard to listen to, his desperate pleas for death were even worse. 

But the five of them could do nothing but watch as Peter suffered. Just when they thought the Cruciatus curse was the worst of it, Bellatrix decided to shake things up a bit. She flipped Peter on to his back with her foot and pounced on him. Perched on his chest, with her knee pressed into his neck to hold him steady she stabbed her wand down onto the ring finger of his right hand, severing it. Through it all Lord Voldemort asked him, over and over again, who was the second person he contacted. 

His friends couldn't believe that he would suffer so much just so the Death Eaters wouldn't know he’d sent a goodbye to Severus. Perhaps, in his current state, he was just acting on instinct. What he and Severus had shared had always been a secret, why would that change now? Or perhaps he feared revealing his connection to Severus would make Severus a target. 

“We have to do something.” James gritted out, his whole-body tense. But what could they do, they were vastly outnumbered and, from the looks of it, Peter wouldn’t survive long enough for them to assemble the Order. 

Finally, Sirius muttered “Fuck it” and began to move towards the crowd but Snape grabbed him before he could leave the cover of the bushes. 

“I think I have a plan.” he whispered unable to take his eyes off of Peter. 

“What?” Lily asked wiping the tears from her eyes, she couldn't bear to see Peter suffer like this. 

“Voldemort is holding Peter’s wand. If we can get Peter’s wand back to him, he could create a distraction. In the chaos we could pull Peter towards us with magic and disaperate.” 

“That's not a terrible idea.” Remus whispered. “But how will Peter know to make a distraction.” 

“I’ll tell him.” Snape whispered back. He raised his wand, pointing at Peter and quietly mutters “Legilimens”.

He slipped inside Peter’s mind easily enough but once he was there, he felt himself being shoved and all of a sudden, his right hand was in agony. Like it was his finger that had just been cut off and not Peter’s. He flinched and struggled to hold the spell. ‘Peter‘ he sent through the magic, ‘it's me, it's Severus.’

The pain in his hand stopped and he heard a faint reply. ‘What are you doing here? Just go. Just let me die. It's fine, this is how it's meant to be.’ 

‘Stop thinking like that. I'm going to get you your wand. You have to make a distraction so we can pull you out of there. There’s too many of them for us to fight.’ 

Bellatrix sent another wave of pain through Peter’s shaking frame and some of it splashed on to Snape hard enough to break the connection. 

“Peter knows the plan.” Snape whispered, his body shaking from the pain. He'd only felt a fraction of what Peter was suffering through, but it was bad. He doesn't want to think about how much Peter is probably hurting right now. 

Sensing that Snape needed a minute Lily took over. She raised herself slightly from her crouched position, pointed her wand at Lord Voldemort and whispered “Expelliarmus”. The wand flew up out of his hands and with a flick of Remus's wand it plummeted directly down onto Peter’s chest.

*** 

Peter was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Severus was here, in the forest with them when his wand flew up out of the Dark Lord’s hand and plonked right on his chest. Severus said that he needed to make a distraction. Peter didn’t want to; he didn’t want to move at all, but he still found himself reaching for his wand with his right hand. He realised quickly enough that the bloody mess Bellatrix had made of his hand would be unsuitable for this, so he used his left instead. 

Lord Voldemort reacted quickly, drawing his own wand with the killing curse on his lips. A curse that we, as a community, call unforgivable, one that rips your soul apart, that requires cold blooded desire for the death of another, a curse that he can perform as easy as breathing. Peter manages to raise his wand with his shaking left hand. He thinks maybe he could do it, kill Lord Voldemort and end this war here and now. But he dismisses that thought as soon as he has it. Peter knows he doesn’t have it in him, and, in his current state, he doesn't think he could manage the spell. Right now, whatever spell he picks it has to be one he cannot fuck up, weak and bleeding as he is. 

As Lord Voldemort’s mouth is beginning to form the curse that will kill him, Peter cries out one of the first spells he ever learned. A spell that even a wizard as inept as he can't mess up. 

Lumos Maxima. 

A blinding white light burst from his wand and Lord Voldemort jerked back, clutching at his face. The Death Eaters around him all flinched away too, some of them even ripping off their masks to rub at their stinging eyes. Bellatrix seems to be recovering the quickest but before she can do anything Peter feels his body being yanked back across the forest floor until he hit something. It was a person and whoever they were they wrapped an arm around his chest. Peter looked down at the hand now clutching at his shirt. It was calloused and covered in little scars and small burn marks. The kind you get from years in a Potions’ Laboratory and when he breathes in, he can smell that weird odour that all well used caldrons get eventually. Cold, fruity and sort of metallic …. smelling the way blood tastes. It's Severus he realises and soon he feels the familiar squeezing, twisting sensation of disaperating.

***

After Severus pops out of existence with Peter, Remus and Sirius soon follow. Lily was about to join them when she noticed James standing there, unmoving, like a deer caught in the headlights. Because in a sense he was. Sudden, bright lights could leave him dazed for minutes. It’s usually kind of funny but this time it could kill him if his wife doesn’t act fast. 

Lily quickly flung herself at James. Distantly she can hear Bellatrix cry out and some spell hits her shoulder but all she cares about is getting a firm grip on James and disaperating. 

Dumbledore is standing there when the six of them all reappear in the abandoned farmhouse. The headmaster of Hogwarts was not a man that was easily surprised but the shock was clear in his voice when he said to Peter. “You’re not dead?” 

“Sorry to disappoint.” Peter slurs out before finally slipping into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts? Let me know in the comments section below


	8. Chapter 8

Watching over an unconscious man lying on a couch got boring fast. 

When they first arrived, there was a lot of chaos and movement. They lifted Peter onto the couch and stripped him of his blood and dirt stained shirt, leaving him in just his undershirt and jeans. Moody then disinfected his wound, applied magical stitches to keep it closed and bandaged up his hand. Any more intensive healing magic would have drained Peter of energy he just didn't have right now. 

But once Moody had assured them that what Peter needed now was rest and while he was probably fine, they shouldn't try to move him until he regained consciousness. So, there was nothing to do but wait. 

Moody, Dumbledore and the Longbottoms left shortly after to re-house the Longbottom family with Frank's mother leaving Severus alone with the Marauders. 

He was happy to volunteer to go get food for the group, there was nothing in the farmhouse kitchen that was in anyway edible. Snape was getting quite hungry himself and it meant he got a break from the stares of the others. 

They didn't seem to know what to make of him. Lily and Severus hadn't really spoken in years and while in the early days of Hogwarts, Snape and the Marauders had gone at each other like cats and dogs, for the last few years he'd barely spoken to any of them. Except for Peter of course. 

Once the food was finished, they all waited quietly in the sitting room for Peter to wake up. James and Lily sat on the other couch with James bouncing a baby Harry on his knee to keep him entertained, Sirius had founded the softest bit of floor to curl up on for a nap and Remus was standing by the window looking out. There wasn’t much to look at, just some fields and old cattle shed from back when the farm they were on was in use.

Severus was sitting on the ground next to the couch that held the unconscious man when he began to wake up. Peter stirred and then winced as if the movement caused him pain. 

“Hey, try not to move so much.” Severus said in a low voice. He began to run his fingers through Peter's hair, unconsciously straighten it out. He remembered how much Peter hated when his hair was messy. 

“Sev?” Peter mumbled.

“Yeah.” He replied moving closer. 

“It's cold, where did the sun go? It was so warm just a minute ago.” 

“What do you mean?” Severus asked, a bit concerned. 

“We’re by the lake, right? Soaking up the sun but the sun's gone.” Peter said as he slowly opened his eyes. 

“We’re not by the lake.” Severus started to say but Peter had finally come to enough to see him and the sight of Snape's face so close to his own startled him. Peter let a high pitched noise and flailed his arm hitting Snape and knocking him over. He stayed sprawled out on the floor as Remus rushed over and managed to calm Peter down.

Sirius pulled Snape to his feet as Peter got into a sitting position with some help from Lily and Remus. 

Peter seemed to curl in on himself as the rest the group crowded around him. 

“What happened?” he asked his voice rough. “Where am I?”

“Somewhere safe.” James said reassuringly. Snape jumped in quickly before he could say anymore.

“Don’t you remember Peter you were somehow kidnapped by Death Eaters who forced you to give up the Potters’ location under torture.”

Peter knew as well as Severus did, that that was not what happened, but he realised it was probably for the best if he just went along with the lie. 

“Yeah, I remember I was in a muggle pub having a drink. I thought I was safe, so I let my guard down...” Peter trailed off figuring the less he said about the lie the better. He instead turned to Remus and Sirius. “I thought I told you guys to forget about me and save the Potters, what the hell were you all doing trying to save me.” 

“And that’s what we did.” Remus said. “We managed to beat Voldemort to the Potters by about 10 minutes and got them out safely. We didn’t come to the forest to save you, we honestly thought you were already dead.”

“Except for Snape,” Sirius added. “He was trying to get enough people to storm the Malfoy Manor to save you. We only went to the forest because we thought we'd have an opportunity to collect your body. I’m sorry Peter we never even considered that you might still be alive or that they might be torturing you.” 

“It's fine.” Peter said, it was then that he finally noticed his bandaged hand. He stared at it for a few seconds with a confused look on his face, trying to figure out what was wrong with what he was seeing before it hit him. His ring finger was missing. 

“Where's my wand?” he said distractedly, not taking his hand eyes off his hand. 

“Peter, there isn't a spell that will regrow your finger.” James said. 

“I didn’t ask about a spell, I asked where my wand was!” Peter snapped back, jumping off the couch and getting in James’ face. James took a step back, normally he has no problem with giving Peter a shove or a smack whenever his temper gets out of hand, but he was currently holding Harry. Severus sensing that this incident was going south fast, jumped between the two pulling Peter’s wand from his robe. 

“Hey, hey look at me, here’s your wand.” Sev said in his best attempt at a soothing voice. “You've been through a lot so let’s just take a breath and sit back down.” Peter snatched his wand back not taking his eyes of James but allowed Severus to guide him back to the couch. 

“You know what,” Sirius interjected trying to cut the tension in the room. “I bet Peter is super hungry. Why don't we all go into the kitchen and get the food we left for him ready. Snape would you mind staying behind and looking after him?” 

The group of them left the room with only James giving any objection but Sirius and Remus just grabbed him by the shoulders and walked him out of the room. They were well used to running interference for the two hot heads of the group.

Once they were alone Snape sat down next to Peter. After a few moments of silence Peter finally spoke.

“Why did you lie for me?” he asked. “Why did you come save me? You know what I've done. I betrayed the Potters, I nearly got Lily killed.” 

“And then you risked your life to save them.” Snape interjected. 

“Yeah, a last-ditch effort to atone for what I've done before they killed me. You should just let them kill me.” 

“I couldn't do that Peter. You're not the only one here with something to atone for.” Sev snapped. He took a breath to calm himself before continuing. “This war has been going on for years and I just stayed out of it. Never picked a side like there wasn't an obvious side to pick. I was just so angry at Lily, at everyone and my Death Eater friends let me be angry. They supported it, they encouraged it but when you came to me to say goodbye for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t angry. I was scared. I know that it shouldn't have taken them almost killing you for me to get my head out of my ass and realise that Lord Voldemort needs to be stopped but I realise that now.”

“It's going to come out sooner or later we're lying.” Peter whispered, hearing the sound of the others about to come into the room. 

“We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.” was his reply as the group came in with the food for Peter. Lily didn’t stay long though, quickly grabbing Harry and the diaper bag and headed out to change him. James offered to do it for her, but she declined. The plate of roast beef sandwiches was put on Peter’s lap. He started by taking a small bite of one but quickly realised how hungry he was and began scarfing them down as fast as he could manage with his one un-injured hand.

Severus touched his arm and was about to tell Peter to slow down before he choaked when realised how cold he was. Severus instead put his arm around Peter shoulders to both try to warm him up with some of his body heat and to be in a better position if he needed to perform the Heimlich. Peter flinched at his touch and Severus was left frozen in place with his arm awkwardly floating above Peter’s shoulders. Peter had never reacted that way to his touch and he didn't know what to do. Luckily after a tense few seconds Sirius intervened. 

“Hey, Snape, can I talk to you in the hallway?” he asked. 

“Sure.” Snape replied getting up off the couch and following Sirius out of the room. The hallway ran straight through the house with door leading off to the sitting room, bathroom and kitchen on the right-hand side a rickety rotting staircase on the left. None of them trusted the stairs enough to find out what was up them. There was an awkward silence between the two men once the door closed behind them that, after a few moments, Snape broke with a “So what's up?”.

“Well, I kind of figured now was as good a time as any to apologise for that incident back in school where I sent you into the Shrieking Shack.” Sirius replied not able to look Snape in the eye as he spoke. 

“Oh, you mean that incident were I nearly ended up mauled to death?” 

“Yep, that's the one.” Sirius affirmed, he was going red in the face and was staring intently at the door they had just come out of. “So sorry about that, I didn't really think it through.” 

Severus thought long and hard about how he should reply to that. A part of him wanted to tell Sirius to go fuck himself but he knew that wouldn't be productive. He also didn't quite have it in him to forgive Sirius, his actions had nearly gotten Snape killed and to add insult to injury he then had to be rescued by James Potter. It was the most terrifying and humiliating experience of his life and that was saying something. But he did want to move past it, they weren’t kids anymore and they had bigger concerns now then some dumb shit they did back in school. So, if he couldn't offer him forgiveness but maybe understanding would do?

“I know why you did it.” Snape said in a low voice. “It was because of that thing with Regulus.” 

Sirius’s jaw tightened in response. 

“I remember that day very clearly. A potion exploded right in your little brother’s face and you came running to the Hospital Wing the second you heard. You arrived just as Regulus was waking up. But when he came to, he called you by my name and that’s why you were pissed at me. You thought I was trying to replace you as Regulus's big brother, so you sent me in to the Shrieking Shack as revenge. Am I correct?”

Sirius gave a small nod in response.

“Well, you got it all wrong, I don't know if you even noticed this, but I was assisting Slughorn in that Potions class for extra credit. I was standing right in front of him before the potion exploded, I even helped get him to the Hospital Wing. So of course, when he came to, he thought the blurry figure with long dark hair hovering over him was me.” 

“But you were always hanging around him after that.” Sirius interjected defensively. 

“Yeah, because he was failing potions and I was tutoring him. I wasn't trying to steal your little brother.” 

“Well now I feel a bit stupid.” Sirius conceded. “I probably should have just talked to Regulus instead of taking it out on you.”

“Yeah, you should have but we all did stupid shit as kids that we regret now. Let’s just leave it all in the past.”

“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it, any comments or kudos would be appreciated


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